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Ephram Fomp And His Big Time Sandals

by Vir McCoy and David Jenkins

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There once was a boy who lived far away he had very large feet that would get in his way he found some majic sandals whose could they be? They strapped in his feet and took him on a Journey! Ephram Fomp and His Big Time Sandals!
One fine day as Ephram Fomp was out digging for Noopas in his yard (Oh he did have a taste for Noopas), he heard a strange sound coming from a nearby Hoofty bush. Ephram’s ears perked up and he went to investigate, but just then his mother called him in for dinner. “Ephram, come get your nardles!” Ephram scurried into the house for dinner and sat down at the big wooden table. His father waddled in with a sour wince. “Ephram, where’s your shoes? Your feet are a mess.” Ephram glanced down at his feet. “But pop, ain’t no shoes fit me!” “That aint no excuse, you wear em anyway even if your toes poke out. Listen, I want you to stay around the house; rumors flyin’ around that Sasquatch been in these parts.” Ephram’s eyes popped wide open. “You mean Bigfoot?” Just then a Zook fly landed on Ephram’s big toe, without even thinking the other big toe of the other foot reached over to swat it away. That night as Ephram lay in bed, the moon peeked in the window and shone light upon Ephram’s big big feet - size 21 to be exact. “Aint no shoes ever gonna fit,” thought Ephram. “Oh well shoe is dumb anyway.” Ephram smiled and let out a big burp from his dinner. “Blurrpppp! Ha hee!” The next day as Ephram was out playing, he remembered the Hoofty bush. “Lets take a look,” Ephram said out loud. His big time feet swished and flopped on the ground as he walked. “Oh My,” Ephram exclaimed, for under the Hoofty bush was the biggest pair of sandals he had ever seen. “Oh my! Whose could these be?” They looked very worn in and were made of tan leather with big straps held together by large metal hoops. Shiny gemstones of all kinds were stitched into the straps and sole of the sandals. Ephram looked around, saw nothing and heard only the sound of the wind. “Might as well try them on,” he said. And they fit almost perfectly. “ Ha hee mu muk muk muk !” Suddenly Ephram felt very, very strange. It felt like the sandals were moving. They were! They wiggled Ephram’s feet and the straps on the sandals began to tighten down. And the gemstones seemed to be glowing. “Hey, hey! What’s a happenin?” Ephram hollered. He reached down to unbuckle the sandals but they wouldn’t budge. The sandals made his feet walk forward, in a direction he didn’t really want to go: away from his home and into the forest of the big, dark, Two-Tongued-Trees. Ephram couldn’t control where his feet were going. “Hey, Hey! Hey!” Ephram cried. “ I gots to get home. Pa’ll be redder’n a skinned rabbit! Lemme go!” But the sandals kept taking him forward deeper and deeper into the woods. The hairs on his toes stood on end as his big time feet swished and flopped on the mossy forest floor. “Where a-takin’ me?” After a time Ephram stopped struggling and let the sandals take him. At least they seemed to know where they were going. “Oh, Pa’s gonna be so mad,” he moaned. “Big feet can’t do nothin’ right.” The hilltops grew with a rosy light as the shadows deepened in the forest. The stones on the sandals lit the way through the woods. The smells began to change to a scent of old ancient stuff like the way grammas’ house smelled. The Two-Tongued-Trees were bigger than Ephram ever remembered. Seeping butterworts and semi-ovate squashes hung from the trees, swaying lightly in the mysterious breeze. “Oh my,” Ephram sighed.
TOE TWO By and by, and after awhile of miles of walking, Ephram began to hear a strange sound. From deep in the woods came a gurgling, “HA HA HA HAGH HAGHH. Ha aha gng agn.” It was a Vomus-worm laughing near the thicket of smile. “HA HHA HA HA HA HAGHH HAGGHH HA.” It seemed to be covered in a mucus-like slime, had many pink sections and was slightly larger than Ephram. It sat in a giant compost pile. “Oh please sir-worm don’t do me no harm.” Ephram said. The worm coughed up a spot of fresh soil and said, well he didn’t actually say it with his mouth, it was more like pictures appeared in Ephram’s head. The worm seemed to be speaking to him in vibrations. No sounds but yet there were sounds, no words but there were words. It was a vibratory story. Ephram felt the vibrations and they painted pictures in his minds eye. It was a vibratory story. There were pictures of dirt tunnels and leaves turning to soil, rotting bark, dead chicken, old bananas… “What?” Thought Ephram. This was a confusing mess. More story coming – other worms, compost piles, more dirt, hard dirt turning to soft dirt, no shirts, happy worms, full bellies, more mucus, more dirt, burping worms… Ephram began to calm down a bit. This worm seemed to be showing him what a worm’s life was like. “O.K,” Ephram said. “What’s all this about?” The worm paused and then spoke out loud from one of the segments. “Ignnn have something important to tell youggh! Worms like to dig into the soil and break it down. They like to break it down and turn it into ground so that the Two-Tongued-Trees have fresh food and minerals to grow. Worms like to break it down. My message to you is break it down! If you ever have a frown on your face, if you ever seem to be stuck in some waste, break it down, break it down! Get down on the ground and do the wild boar boogie! Wiggle around! Your body is made from the ground. Build an earth mound. Make worm sounds. Kiss the dirt! Eat some dirt! It won’t hurt! AHHGG AHHHH HHAgggGGGG.HAHAHAHA!! Break it down.” Ephram understood. The tips of his big time toes began burrowing into the soil and wiggling around. And Ephram did a little dirt dance (it was a bit like he had seen Uncle Pookus Fomp do after the harvest). “AHHH AHHHGG HA AHAHA HAHA!” The worm laughed in-between coughing up spots of soil. “Break it down….” All of a sudden the Sandals moved forward and almost made Ephram fall over. “Hey!” shouted Ephram. But the sandals took him off quicker than a rabbit running Ephram back into the woods. “Ha hee Mu Muk Muk Muk,” He laughed. Behind him the worm just gurgled, “Agggnaaaahhhhaa…”
TOE THREE Trees hold secrets. And these trees held secrets. They were Two-Tongued Trees. Under the ground most trees have roots, but these trees had two giant tongues that lapped up water and nutrients from the earth. You see the soil has everything the trees need. You can’t see the tongues because they are underground; but once, when Grampa Fomp had to cut down a dead tree for firewood, Ephram saw them. “Ephram come here son, take a look at dem two tongues on dis Two Tongued Tree, see there?” Of course the tongues were all dried out by then, but there they were and so, so strange. You could tell that it was a Two Tongued Tree because the bark was different and the pine needles had 5 and a half needles in a bundle (5 long needles and one short one) this was definitely a Two Tongued Trees. It held secrets. Ephram could just feel it. Ephram went to touch one of the tongues and even though the tongue was dried out, Ephram could still feel the tongue suckling on his hand a little. “Careful now boy!” Said Grampa “Oh My” whispered Ephram. The Two-Tongued Trees made gentle lapping sounds around Ephram flopped along in the big time sandals. His toes still had dirt all on them from the Vomus worm. “Whose sandals are these? Where did they come from?” He wondered, glancing down at his monster feet. “How could these sandals fit almost perfectly? And where are they taking me?” The gemstones continued to glow and the big shiny buckle stayed strapped tight. “Who could have feet this big? They must be somebody’s. Size 21?” The sandals walked Ephram on through the woods. In the distance a Medicine Owl called. The sound echoed through the trees like a ping- pong ball bouncing back and forth. Medicine Owls only call exactly one hour after the sun goes down. “I’m hungry.” Ephram’s belly rumbled in agreement. After looking around Ephram found a ripe seeping butterwort to munch on. Except for the owl everything was so quiet. Ephram could almost feel the two tongues – silently lapping up tree-food. “Where are we going?” Ephram hollered. “I don’t want to die in these woods, those two- tongues will lap me up dry for sure”. But the sandals just kept walking, the soft moss squishing beneath them. Otherwhile… back at the Hoofty bush where Ephram had discovered the sandals a voice spoke… “Where’s my sandals, and whose footprints are these” (“Where’s my sandals, and whose footprints are these?”)
TOE FOUR By and by and after a -while and awhile, sounds began weaving through the forest. Was it music? The sandals took him towards it. Soon Ephram came upon an old fellow playing the strangest music he had ever heard. The man had a great white beard and leaned up against a giant Two-Tongued Tree. He held an instrument that looked like a guitar but had skin stretched across the top of it. It had a funny smell to it too; like goats. Something in Ephram sort of liked the music as strange as it was. “Excuse me mister but what kind of music is that?” asked Ephram. The old man spoke without looking up. “It’s blues music, special blues music, heh, heh. Sour mashed yummy gummus music in the key of Z. You see the blues in Z minor is not so easy to play, you’ve got to know the notes, they often slip away.” And with that the old man’s fingers moved across the strings to make the most magically strange sounds Ephram had ever felt. Yes felt. He felt the notes in his body. And the sandals moved Ephram’s feet in time with the music. “Ha Hee Mu Muk, Muk Muk!” Ephram giggled as the notes tickled his tummy. Oh, this was yummy. Yummy gummus music. “Now how’d you like to play the blues in Z minor?” asked the old man. “Whaa? But I dont know how,” said Ephram. “Oh sure you do,” replied the bluesman. “It don’t matter what notes you play, or what scales you lay, it don’t matter how you look, or if you get your music out of a sook book! As long as you play and you got somethin’ to say, then hey, lets play it, create it, bake it, rake it, rhyme it, mime it, what time is it in? The notes in-between-the-notes are the best because they make us unique from the rest. The moles hold down the wholes and a calf will cover the halves. A Baboon playin’ a bassoon can play a tune that comes from the moon. It don’t matter what you play, just play, all day. So you see the blues in Z minor is easy to play, but you got to know the notes, they often slip away. Come on now, play a jiggle wif me!” “I, I, don’t know I don’t really know how to play music but I do like the blues in Z minor” said Ephram. “ Oh sure you do,” said the old man. And with that he handed him an out of tune bassoon and together they began to croon. OOOOOMM! Honk! Honk! OOOOOM! They played music that no one had ever heard before….. Suddenly the big time sandals lurched forward and Ephram almost fell over from the movement. The bassoon fell to the ground. “Hey, hey! Wait just a minute! Hey, hey! Where ya goin’ sandals? We were just getting started! I was learning to play basson!” cried Ephram. The sandals force-walked him back into the woods. The blues in Z minor echoed in the distance as the old man just kept on playing by himself. “I wasn’t done yet, where are we going now?” sighed Ephram. “These sandals seem to have a mind of their own. I wonder if I can talk to them?” thought Ephram. “Hey sandals! Stop right here!” The sandals just squished along the moss and thick duff of the forest floor. Ephram gave up and let them walk him. Otherwhile, in another part of the forest the Vomus-worm knew something was very wrong. “Ωορμ− Ωηερε_σ μψ σανδαλσ?” (“Worm where’s my sandals?”), the voice asked. The Vomus worm shook – then nervously laughed, “agggnnnggg.” “Ωηερε_σ μαη σανδαλσ?” (“Where’s mah sandals?”)
TOE FIVE As the sandals walked Ephram through the forest he thought about his family. About now they would be gathering for supper and his mother would be calling him. “I don’t wanna sleep in these woods alone” Ephram said out loud. Ephram glanced down at his big time feet. “I shoulda just left these sandals! I could be home eatin’ nardles and pookus mash! Big feet jus get me into trouble!” But Ephram wondered whose sandals they were because as far as he knew he was the only person that had feet this big. Even when he was born he came out feet first and they thought something was wrong with him. Nah, he just had big feet. Really big feet. That’s all. By and by and after awhile Ephram came upon a strange sight sure enough. In fact he almost bumped into him or… her? “Wo!” said Ephram. The sandals stopped. In front of him stood a person who seemed very sad. The strange thing was that he could see right through this person as if he had X-Ray vision. Inside her Ephram could see bones and organs and inside stuff and there seemed to be colors and pictures floating around. Like paintings on the inside. He or… she was a See Sad- See Through Organ Person, totally transparent. “Oh dear, oh dear, can you help me here? I think something’s wrong here. See these colors in here? See the gray inside me here? “Oh dear”. See this black blob inside here? It brings me a tear,” said the See Sad. “What can I do? Can I help?” asked Ephram most confused. “Do you see what’s wrong with me? You can see what’s wrong with me. You can see inside of me. You can see I’m not happy. See here is my fear. See this grey blob here? Stuck right here,” said the See Sad. And the see sad pointed to a spot near the back of her back. Ephram didn’t know what to think. See Sad moaned more. “ It’s fear, something I won’t go near. It’s stuck here. Oh dear. I have fear. Stuck right here. Near these kidneys here. Why? See here when I was six my older sister Ovil hit me with two sticks. Now everyone I come near just gives me fear. I think your going to hit me with two sticks! I fear I can’t go near. oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. ,ohhhgggggg!” Ephram looked at the See Sad See Through Organ Person very carefully. He could see that inside the grey blob was a memory picture of a young See Sad being hit by the older sister Ovil with two sticks. Ephram realized that the memory of Ovil hitting her with two sticks was still stuck in her and was playing over and over again like a stuck movie projector. Ephram had an idea… “Why don’t you pretend Ovil’s here right now and break those sticks in two and tell her to don’t ever hurt you again or your going put beetles in her ear when she’s sleeping!” stated Ephram. “Ohhh do you think I could? Do you think I should? I’m scared, very scared. It’s the fear I can’t go near! Oh dear” said See Sad. “Might as well try. You have nothing to lose,” said Ephram. The See-Sad paused and looked at Ephram carefully. See-Sad could see he looked like a normal boy, then she saw his sandals and his huge feet. “Oh dear, oh dear don’t you have fear? Your feet are rather queer.” Ephram just shrugged his shoulders. “ Why everybody has something funny goin’ on.” “You have no fear? My fear is nothing compared to your queer feet. Oh dear, ohhhh ddearrr!” See-sad paused for a moment as thought colors streamed out from her head... Suddenly See Sad pushed a nearby small Gompus tree and said “No! Ovil, I don’t care what you do but you’ll not hit me! I’m through! I will break your sticks in two! No! No! No! I’m through with you!” She broke off a small branch as if it was one of the sticks. See-Sad shook the little tree most furiously and suddenly… most definitely, the stuck movie projector of Ovil began to move. The memory picture was changing! “It’s a-movin!” shouted Ephram. Ephram could see colors flying everywhere and the grey blob began to ooze loose! The See-Sad shook for a second, and then shook again. See-Sad shimmied and shammered, wiggled and warbled, mumbled and tumbled, rumbled and stumbled. Water started to gush out the eyes of the See-Sad. “Ohh Ohhhh…” Ephram felt himself well up inside and knew what to do. He hugged the See Sad See Through Organ Person just like his mama did him when he had water eyes. Ephram could see that the grey gunk inside was going, all washing away. See-Sad cried, sniffled, sighed and wiped an eye. “Oh, Oh I do think something is new, I think I may be through!” The grey blob is not so here! My sister is not here. The fear is not so near! Oh! Oh happy!” Now inside the See-Sad was a light-bright glow now, like the color of the stars. “Wee heee freee! Oh happy, very happy!” It was a heart kickstart. “Weee heee!” The See- Sad see through organ person ran happy. All Ephram could see inside her now was bright rainbow colors streaming everywhere. See-Sad hugged Ephram. “Oh thank you, one-with-the–magic-shoes, oh thank, thank you! Very happy, very happy!” And with that the See-Sad See Through Organ Person pranced off to the woods. “Very happy, very happy!” Echoed in the distance. “She just had a muddy spot on her soul sock that needed washing!” Thought Ephram. “Ha Hee, Mu Muk Muk Muk!” Otherwhile… at a set of footprints in the distant forest the voice spoke… “?” (“Bluesman… where’s my sandals?”) The old man just smiled and pointed. The blues in z minor drifted into the clouds. “Ωηερεσ μψ σανδαλσ. .εεεεεεεεε!” (“Where’s my sandals...eeeeeeeee!”)
Toeda Home 04:19


This is the music and story of Ephram Fomp and His Bigtime Sandals. What happens when a country boy with size 21 feet discovers a pair of magic sandals that take him on an amazing journey. An Epic Kids Oddessy for all ages. For more info www.virtunes.com or virmccoy@yahoo.com


released October 10, 2011

Vir McCoy -Story, Narration and Music
David Jenkins - Illustrations and Music


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Ephram Fomp And His Bigtime Sandals

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